I’ve been sitting with a hard truth lately: for most of my life, I’ve been performing without even realizing it.
Not on a stage. Not in some grand production. But in the way I showed up in conversations, work, relationships, even with myself.
I was performing the role of the capable woman. The one who has it handled; makes it look easy; and who can walk into any room and adapt to what’s expected.
The problem? The more I performed, the further I got from myself. Because performance, no matter how subtle, always requires a little bit of leaving yourself behind.
Over the last year, I’ve been dismantling that. Not all at once, and not without resistance. I stopped forcing myself to say “yes” when my whole body whispered “no.” I practiced walking into spaces without scanning for who I needed to be in order to fit in. I stopped curating my words to make them more palatable or “perfect.”
My biggest shift of all… I stopped pretending I didn’t have needs.
If you’ve been living in performance mode, here’s where you can start:
Notice the moments when you shift into a different version of yourself to meet the situation. Maybe your voice changes, your shoulders tense and you say the thing you think will be received best instead of what’s actually true. In those moments, try letting it drop. Take a breath. Let your body soften. Speak what you mean, even if it’s messy.
Give yourself permission to live in the in-between, not perfectly put together, not falling apart, just real. And spend more time in the spaces where you already feel seen without having to edit yourself. Those are the places that will help you remember who you are.
The horses have been my best teachers in this. They don’t care about how well I can “show up.” They care about what’s real. They meet me exactly where I am whether I am calm, agitated, tired, or curious. They respond to my truth, not my performance.
And that’s what I want for you: a life where you can walk into any space and not shrink, shape-shift, or over-deliver just to prove you belong. A life where you can simply… BE.
So here’s my invitation…
This week, choose one moment to drop the performance. Let yourself be fully seen, exactly as you are.
And if you want a space to practice this, come stand with me in the pasture. The horses and I will meet you there.
Photography By Julie Harris/Julie Harris Photography