Lately, I’ve been sitting with the phrase: identity dissonance.
Dissonance, by definition, is a lack of harmony. Things that don’t quite line up. And that’s exactly what it feels like when the identity you’ve been living from no longer matches who you’re reclaiming.
For me, it shows up in small, everyday moments. I catch myself saying yes out of habit. Staying attached to roles that once made sense but now feel heavy. Moving through parts of my life on autopilot, even though something inside me has already shifted.
There’s a strange safety in staying recognizable. In continuing to be the version of ourselves that the world knows how to respond to. Even when that version isn’t fully true anymore.
Lately, though, I can feel that old identity loosening its grip. Not in a dramatic way; more like a quiet knowing that something has changed and I can’t un-know it.
What I’m learning is that I don’t need to know exactly who I’m reclaiming yet. I don’t need a fully formed vision of the next version of me. I just need to take one honest step at a time into the unknown.
Instead of forcing clarity, I’m practicing curiosity. Curious about how this new identity will move.
What she’ll say yes to. What she’ll no longer tolerate. How life might feel when I stop trying to define her too quickly.
There’s also grief in this space because letting go of an identity means loosening the ways we learned to belong, to be needed, to stay safe.
Along with grief is also relief. A sense that alignment returns when we allow ourselves to walk forward without a script.
So I’m not rushing it. I’m letting the old fall away as it’s ready. Trusting that the woman I’m reclaiming will reveal herself step by step.
If you’re here too, feeling that inner mismatch, you’re not behind. You’re simply learning how to move with yourself again.
Photo by Chanhee Lee for Unsplash