There’s a moment most women don’t say out loud and no one else would notice it, but it changes everything. It’s the moment you realize you’ve been waiting to be chosen by a partner, by an opportunity, by someone who finally looks at you and says, “Yes, you.”
I used to live there more than I realized. Not in big, obvious ways, but in the small ones. Saying yes when it wasn’t a full yes. Staying when I already knew I was done. Letting someone else’s opinion carry more weight than my own. It didn’t feel like I was losing myself. It just felt like being a good person – easy, agreeable, thoughtful. But underneath all of it, I was waiting. Waiting for it to be my turn. Waiting to feel chosen.
Here’s the reality… No one is coming to choose you but you. At some point, you have to decide. I remember the moment I finally realized how much energy I was spending trying to be understood, liked, approved of (to be chosen). Being married and divorced three times will do that for you. A simple decision. I’m done waiting. I’m choosing me. Not in a loud, prove-it way, and not in a burn-my-life-down way. In a clean, quiet way.
That’s what most people miss. Picking yourself isn’t dramatic. It looks like noticing when something feels off and not overriding it. It looks like telling the truth when it would be easier to stay quiet. It looks like making a decision that actually fits you, even if no one else gets it. No performance. No long explanations. No waiting for agreement. Just you, being honest about what’s true.
Something starts to shift when you begin choosing yourself. You stop waiting. You stop organizing your life around being accepted. You stop asking for permission in subtle ways. Your decisions get cleaner. Your energy comes back. Your life starts to feel like yours again. Not perfect, but honest and that’s the difference.
When you pick yourself, you don’t lose connection. You lose the version of connection that required you to leave yourself behind. What’s left is real.
If you feel like you’ve been waiting, this is your moment to see it. Not to fix everything or figure out your whole life. Just to decide.
Where am I still waiting to be chosen? And what would it look like to choose myself instead, even once? That’s where it begins.
Photo by Andre Furtado on Unsplash